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Before getting into my next entry, some context. I spend most of my days by myself. Even though I still do my daily walks and such, I'm still alone most of the time. So I'm not always aware of how my mood is perceived by others.

My chorus' "memorization party" was today. Last night, I didn't sleep very well. For about an hour, I couldn't sleep at all, kept awake thinking about yesterday's non-interview. Afterwards, I tossed and turned until the alarm went off. However, I didn't feel too tired, although my energy level was a little low.

The party was at a nice Los Altos home. The couple has done very well for themselves. Due to errands and such, I was two hours late. I arrived in the midst of everyone rehearsing one of the pieces. Seeing everyone doing things, and thinking about how most of the people there have careers (or are retired), made me feel sad. However, I wasn't really aware of it until someone asked me what was wrong. I didn't go into details about the Google non-interview, but did talk a bit about how Terry Semel (ex-CEO of Yahoo!) had bought Overture, and as a result, a bunch of AVers were laid off. (In general, I don't like to bring up the subject of my unemployment with people in my chorus, because it just sort of calls attention to itself in a way I don't like – I don't like being thought of as "the unemployed person".)

I'll probably get into the Yahoo! thing in a later post, but just wanted to say that it and the Google non-interview are bothering me more than usual. It's harder when I'm around people who I perceive are doing things with their lives – things they want to do.

One of the hosts has some friends who work at Juniper, so she offered to send my résumé there. (She works at Symantec, and would've passed my résumé around there, but they're having a hiring freeze.) Juniper is actually high on my list of companies I want to work for. I've applied for several positions there over the past few years, but have only gotten one callback. So we'll see. At any rate, I hope I get over this bout of unhappiness by the time my trip starts. I don't want to have a dark cloud hanging over me while everyone else is happy. (FYI, the last time we were in Albi was 2002. Trouble had come to AV in a big way; there had been (and would be) lots of layoffs. My job was secure for the moment, but I was really nervous about being away and out of touch for several days. I left specific instructions about what to do if anything went wrong, which unfortunately weren't followed.)

There was also more talk of us going to Madrid in the future. The tenor who's moving back there and a soprano put on a little show for us. After the show, our director announced that they are trying to organize a choral exchange with Madrid. This is the first time it's been announced publicly, and responses seemed quite favorable, so maybe it will happen.